Tuesday, November 27, 2012

"You know my name (look up the number)."

Mickey Mouse Wears Gloves: So he won't leave fingerprints.
 
Mickey Mouse Wears Gloves: So he doesn't get nicotine stains.
 
Mickey Mouse Wears Gloves: To hide the gang tattoos.
 
Mickey Mouse Wears Gloves: To search for drugs on other toons.
 
Mickey Mouse Wears Gloves: Has phobia when shaking hands of Jews, homosexuals, commies, hippies and women of an easy nature.
 
Mickey Mouse Wears Gloves: To hide wedding ring from first marriage.  Minnie musn't know!
 
Mickey Mouse Wears Gloves: To cover up nervous sweat, lingering odors and that stickiness from habits not outgrown.
 
Lucasland: Goofy and Jar Jar Binks are related.
 
Failure in Translation: Dutch listeners think Carly Simon is saying, "I had dreams, they were clogs in my coffee."
 
Mickey Mafiosa will be played by Al Topocino.
 
The Angina Monologues: In the Early Sixties, hearts would flutter at the sight of Burlesque Queen, Chesty Pains.
 
Dingyland: Two attractions will be combined.   Alice in Wonderland will become the Mad Hatterhorn Ride.
 
EuroDingyland: The monorail plays Stereolab.
 
Ian Anderson rejected concept album of 2001: A Space Odyssey. Thick as a Kubrick.
 
Unfinished screenplay about women who refused sex with Stanley: Thighs Wide Shut.
 
Updated Product Placement: Ma & Pa Skittles.
 
Stephen King on Acid Again: Miniature Golf Course built over graveyard. Putt Cemetery.

Monday, November 19, 2012

"I travel alone."


Hello fellow travelers.  Groucho Marx has been quoted and misquoted saying, "I don't want to belong to any club that will accept people like me as a member."  I think I sympathise with the contradiction.  How does the individual accept group activities?
As a young fanboy, I joined a number of clubs, hanging out with sci-fi writers and horror movie makers.  The Count Dracula Society and The Los Angeles Science Fantasy Society were the two earliest.  LASFS has an online membership list and I see my name with the date March 5, 1964 as the time I joined and paid my fee.  As they love to say, some members are dead, but Death Does Not Release You from being a LASFS member.  Oh, dear!

Being a part of some arcane organization has an appeal when young.  It sets you apart, yet you are in a collective.  Equality, yet competitiveness, under the cloak of conformity.  This is more obvious in the less arcane groups of membership, like the Scouts, the Military and Century 21 Realtors.  I joined the Burroughs Bibliophiles, considered the Baker Street Irregulars, was a part of the American Peter Cushing Fan Club and finally joined the Goon Show Society.
 
I was never in Skull and Bones, but I did partake in college thespian groups.  At least in those clubs, new members were not burned or urinated on.  Not on purpose, anyway.  Only the occasional accident at tipsy cast parties.

My Father, bless him, was not the most comfortable man around darker complexion individuals but dropped out of the Elks Club in the Fifties because he thought they were a bunch of racist plantation owners.  Orange County.  That was a country club in itself.

Which leads me to my feelings on unions: in theory, yes; in practice (at least in my own experience), no.  I've been in three unions during my career journey and the events were not pleasant.  The worst was AFTRA, whose bookkeeping department in the Eighties was the worst I'd ever encountered.  Dues would be sent, yet letters would arrive saying payment overdue.  I've kept to this day the cancelled check for the final amount I was told had never arrived.  Never resolved.  Like something out of the film Brazil.  A major part of turning my back on "the Industry."  I dropped out.  Bureaucrats.  A foster home for ineptitude.

Now this intense cynicism doesn't mean that I've abandoned my Utopian goals.   No To Sirree!  With Love!  On the contrary.  It just reinforces my wariness of group activities.  Individual Ideals Expressed in the Collective Model.

"I'm sorry, Senator.  What was your question again?"

Oh, beside the groups I first mentioned?  Democrat.  PETA member for 2 years.  I still have my U.N.C.L.E. card(s).  That's about it.

So if you want to be in an Activist Organization, but are afraid of Counter-Productive Subversive Infiltration, it's probably best if YOU and just YOU, are the ONLY MEMBER!


(And you don't have to remember the Secret Handshake either. You can do it by yourself :) )

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

"You make me nervous."

Did everyone think Noel was a Coward?
 
English Regurgitation meets Class Distinction with Nasal Sensitivity: "Upchuck. Downwind."
 
Barbie, She-Wolf of the S.S. with her Aryan boyfriend, Klaus.
 
Anyone remember Tad Hungover, teen heartthrob of the late Fifties?  Starred with Sandra Drain in the hormone-drenched soap opera about early hair loss, "A Summer Piece."  Emulated him on occasion.  How many times have I been a Tad Hungover?
 
My mistake.  It was Troy Helenov in that film.
 
David Lynch does "A Midsummer's Night Dream." "Twin Pucks."
 
David Lynch career slip due to typographical error: "Mulholland Drivel."
 
David Lynch meets Alan Stivell: "Wild at Harp." (Stivell in Drivel?)
 
David Lynch directs Arnold Schwarzenegger in Monkees movie: "Eraserhead Eraser Head."
 
David Lynch remakes "The Bad News Bears."   "Inland Umpire."
 
Jean-luc Godard does "The Little Rascals."   "Alfalfa Ville." (*giggles*)
 
Nicolas Roeg does "Ghostbusters."   "Bad Slimming: A Sensual Gobsession."
 
The Who record the little known songs of Sacher Masoch: "Odds & Sade's."
 
Pink Floyd's football song:  "A Soccerful of Secrets."
 
Pink Floyd recorded another song besides "One of These Days" inspired by Doctor Who.   It was about a companion who wished to travel back in time and become a back-up pop singer.  "The Billie Piper at the Gates of Tony Orlando & Dawn."
 
Syd Barrett's ode to marathon runners: "The Madcap Laps."
 
Robin Williamson for Del Monte: The Incredible String Beans.
 
(Now maybe this would be a good time to head on out to the Snack Bar and pick up one of those Pepito's Cheese Gophers.  You know, Pepito, in the early morning, drives out in his truck, and while those gophers are out crossing the road, doing their morning constitution...SIDESWIPES those little guys.   And while those little fellas are laying by the side of the road, dazed and confused...)  ***UPDATE*** Thanks to the SUPERB work of PETA, I am SO HAPPY and ELATED to inform long time listeners that Pepito and his insensitive operation have been PUT OUT OF BUSINESS!  No more will you hear of...

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

"Is my face on straight?"

Did an English teacher ever teach Kelsey grammar?

My wife likes Rush, big time. She dislikes Big Time Rush.

Jeremy Irons while Ben Folds.

If Lauren Bacall married Sophia Loren, would she be Lauren Loren?   And could we get Lauren Hutton for a menage a trout?   Too fishy?

If you dig classical ballet, check out Mexico City's answer to Rudolph Nureyev: Tutu Juan.  He's performing in Surf City.  Why?  "Because I'm going to Surf City where it's Tutu Juan..."

D.H. Lawrence and T. E. Lawrence get together for Lady Chatterley of Arabia.

Will The Hunger Gams have legs?

Jacques Tati meets Chris Karrer: A Mon Oncle Duul.

Jacques Tati meets Robert Vaughn: The Mon from Oncle.

Jacques Tati meets Logan's Run: M. Hulot's Hologram.

M. Hulot's Holiday directed by Russ Meyer: Jacques Titti.

Jacques Tati in the Tardis: Doctor Hulot.

Roy Orbison in Blow-Up: Michaelangelo Antoni Only the Lonely.

Did Mel ever draw a Blanc?

I'm into a retro steam punk vibe.  I pierced my nose with a conductor's punch.

Qupe is the Chumash word for poppy.  Tupe is the Chumash word for hair replacement.

Method acting vs. intuitive acting.  It can be argued that Uggie the Dog in The Artist is a better actor than Al Pacino.  Certainly less high-strung, and house broken as well.