Sunday, November 30, 2014

"I lost my faith. I prayed for it to return."

"Thinking the Unthinkable" is a term, that if thought about thoroughly, will slowly drive one mad.

I used to do U-Haul work for actress Elke Sommer.  This is how I became an Elke Haulic.

Films made in Santa Barbara are no longer filmed in Isla VistaVision.

Bossa Nuevo:  Astrid Gilbertolt Brecht.

Jefferson Airplane meets Doris Day & Rock Hudson.  "Surrealistic Pillow Talk."

Musique avec fromage:  The Velveeta Underground.

Jules Verne's New Wave Muzik:  20,000 Human Leagues Under the Sea.
 
New Wave Latino Muzik:  Yazoot Suit.
 
New Wave Lawn Muzik:  Depeche Mowed.
 
New Wave Cartoon Muzik:  Mel Blancmange.
 
New Wave Lumber Muzik:  The Psychedelic Firs.
 
Meat is Murder and So are Guns:  The Smiths and Wesson Oil.
 
Lawrence Welk in an ill-fated attempt to musicalize Goethe:  "The Sorrows of Young Wurlitzer."
 
Beethoven's Little Known Career as an Adult Film Composer:  "Moonlight So Naughty."
 
Claude Debussy, Junkie, was on Horse when he composed "La Mare."
 
Percy Shelley's Fall Fashion Preview:  "Prometheus Unzipped."
 
The author of Dracula was an early Nudist.  This gave rise to the term of "going Bram Starkers."

Monday, November 24, 2014

"I may not know what I like, but I know art."

The Impressionists never appealed to me.  They did not live up to their name.  At parties, even highly intoxicated, Renoir was unable to do a decent Jimmy Stewart.  Matisse could not pull off a passable James Cagney.  And Monet's John Wayne was an embarrassment.

The Pre-Sally Jesse Raphaelites were a little known art movement, more talk than Romantic.
 
Desi Arnaz was never given credit for being a Cubist.
 
Toulouse-Lautrec revolutionized the poster art, even being shorter than Robert Crumb.  His love life was out of control, however.  No man's woman was safe from him.  They always said you could tell if your mistress had been with him.  She would have hickeys on her knees.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

"No use of the mind God gave you."

Saints Alive:  San Fernando Lamas.

Saints Alive:  San Jose Ferrer.

Saints Alive:  Santa Monica Vitti.

Saints Alive:  Santa Barbara Hale.

Saints Alive:  Guadalupe Velez.
 

Saints Alive:  Santa Maria Montez.
 
Saints Alive:  San Diego Rivera.
 
GOD is the Potato:  Church of the Tater Day Saints.
 
GOD is the Potato:  Ore-ida Roberts.
 
GOD is the Potato:  Jesus Crisps.
 
Members of the Church of Jesus Chrysler often have misgivings with Hindus who drive a Dodge AshRam truck.
 
If Christian Ministers were put on the ballot, would that be a Reverenderum?
 
Mono-Pantheist: (I believe in One Group of Many Gods).
 
Pano-Monotheist:  (I believe in Multiple Groups of Single Gods).
 
The Romantic Poet of Scientologists is L. Byron Hubbard.
 
The Nancy Druid Mysteries.
 
Druid Cigarettes:  Bensons & Stonehedges. 

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

"A Penny for the Guy."

"After the Fawkes," said the Head in the Box. 

The Senor winces. 

"S-All Right?"

"S-All Right!"