Tuesday, December 18, 2012

"Zero for Conduct."

Time (Way) Out Restaurant Guide: The Alfred Jarry Fruit Juice Bar.  Try the Pear Ubu.
 
Mallardlapelaphobia: Fear of ducks wearing double breasted suits.
 
Droopatoupaphobia: Fear of going impotent while wearing a hair piece.
 
Gustav Flaubert's original erotic manuscript: Madame Ovaries.
 
Jim Varney as Oscar Wilde: The Importance of Being Ernest.
 
Favourite Cocktail at the Ballets Russes: A Nijinsky and tonic.
 
Books on Audio: Das Kapital read by Gary Sinise.
 
Midgeafridgeaphobia: Fear of a member of Ultravox living in your freezer.
 
Bankawankaphobia: Fear of self-pleasuring in a savings institution.
 
General Franco, Jesus Franco, James Franco, Franco Nero and Franco American spaghetti have little in common.
 
Ray Bradbury's rejected ad campaign for FTD Floral Delivery: Something Wilted This Way Comes.
 
Hugo Weaving, so now Minnie Driver.
 
The father of Italian/Chinese opera was Puccini Chin Chin.  His most famous work, La Testicala, was a ball.  Noted for The Broom Sequence in Act II.  His widow prevented his family and children from inheriting royalties from his works.  "Not by the Heirs of my Puccini Chin Chin," she exclaimed in a Milanese court.  A scandal at the time.
 
Actor Robert Preston used to play the ukulele during his Army days on Armed Forces Radio.  He was introduced as "Sargeant Preston of the Uke on..."
 
Dwarfamorphawharfaphobia: Fear of midgets suddenly appearing at the end of a pier.
 
Scubatubaphobia: Fear of submerged brass bands.
 
Freudian Slips: Definition of Bi-polar...Sleeping with the Eskimo Wife AND the Eskimo husband.