Sunday, September 18, 2011

"You say it's your birthday. It's my birthday too, yeah."

Being a Time Laird is tough, folks.  Ancient clockwork inside, running the pantomime.  Outside, the perennial juvenile.  Dick Powell on acid.  For you youngsters without reference, that might be John Cusack in a Chinatown opium den.  Still too elderly?  How about one of those child stars on Nippleodeon (the network for under-nourished, non-breast fed children).  iGnarly?  Sorry, I'm losing it here  This is what Old Age will do to you, folks.  That's what being a Time Laird is all about . You start out as William Hartnell and end up as Matt Smith.  Talk about cosmetic surgery.  And what about all those companions?  Sure, being around the young keeps you young.  But there are laws out there, Citizens!  So, if a blue police box appears outside your child's school...

But I digress...

Six Hundred & 20 Candles.  Boy, is that a John Hughes film from Hell?  (I believe Molly Ringwald was a companion around 1985-1986.)  620.  Pretty antique.  People say, "You don't look look a day over 500," but I know their lying through their non-false teeth.  Bastards!  Carbon-based lifeforms of undetermined parentage!  Don't you realize how you break both of my hearts?  (Time Lairds actually don't have twin hearts, only twin bladders. How do you think we make those long trips from one end of the universe to Croydon?)

But enough of this sentimentality.  It's my party and I can cry if I want to.  Billy Barty can have pie if he wants to.

Quick, Jo!  Let's step into re-Tardis and head out to desert and Burning Midget Festival.  So created in honour of great little artist, Billy Barty, who, sadly committed suicide.  He jump off curb!

But wait!  I have oddly different idea.  Let's set Wayback Machine to 1968.  (Mr. Peabody and Boy Sherman, not that different from Colin Baker and male companion who look like lead singer from Prodigy.  Or was it Peter Davison?  Not sure.  Loss of memory.  Too many re-degenerations.)

Why 1968?  Because it is the year that the Beatles will personally wish me a birthday greeting in song for my 577th natal or 190th Earth year.

How is this, Dr. Wu-hu?

The Beatles are recording their double album, which will later be referred to as The White Album.  Most songs take several days to record.  But on September 18th, 1968, after watching Jayne Mansfield in The Girl Can't Help It on British telly, the boys return to Abbey Road studios to record what is basically Paul's idea, "Birthday."  Supposedly, it is one out of only two songs on the album that features both Paul and John on lead vocals, as well as Yoko Ono singing back-up.  George Martin was not in the studio.  It is the only song done on one day, September 18th.

As a Time Laird, I would love to be gracious and perhaps share the song with Beach Blanket Bongomeister, Frankie Avalon.  Or the "What do I care for your orders.  You can't frighten me, " double GG companion, Greta Garbo.  But in my double heart and double bladder...I know the song....belongs to me!  Thank you Fabs.

Now quick, Jo.  Let's head into re-Tardis and set course for Ming Dynasty and get quick takeaway of Szechuan food.  So hot and spicy, it will Szechuan fire!