Wednesday, August 10, 2011

"Baby you can drive my car."

Hello kats and kittens.  Sorry for the month long delay.  After seeing the photo I posted of yours truly with that interesting man...I knew I needed a tune-up.  A samurai and a friar.  A nip and tuck.  And a little hebrew dutch homeland.  A re-JEW van nation.  "Are there any groups I haven't offended yet?"  Getting old is nasty.  I needed some sincere pampering.  As Bette Davis said in between murdering husbands, "Old age is not for sissies" or something butch like that.  I knew it was time to visit the fat farm.  La Bob Costa.  The spa of the stars.  Run by Fraulein Doktor.  Hers and himmlers.  Let the years peel away...

It was worth the time and expense.  Madame Blavatsky gave me a full body rub.  The medium IS the massage.  I received the monkey ball injections (please don't tell PETA...I've recently become a member).  Also the yak sperm facials.  Plus the bo tox derek.  I'm a NEW MAN!

So what else should a less than potent, but mentally rejuvenated alpha male do to thwart a mid-wife crisis?  BUY A NEW CAR!  Yes, sir!  There is no better way to scream to the faceless masses, that...I AM IMPOTENT, yet I drive a NEW, INTIMIDATING fossil fueled vehicle, that I will scare you upon the roads . Let me make up for my physical, mental and spiritual shortcomings, by OVER COMPENSATING with this hyper-sized metal machine.

Well, I tried to avoid some of that bit by getting a car that fits with my persona and philosophy.  Astute viewers of this page have already noted that in my lifetime, I have owned 3 white cars ("los trios autos blancos"), plus a red car that was a wedding gift from my mother-in-law.  I had to get another white car.  And there it is...!  A Rolls-Canardly!  Rolls down one hill...Canardly get up the next!  ("Taa-dah!")

Please note in the photo that the car is small.  I've always driven small cars.  Confidence.  Nothing more need be said.  And eco-friendly.  Foot power.  A high brow hybrid.

Oh, and as the foto reveals...there are the results of my recent spa visit.  Trying to avoid obvious vanity...but I REALLY do think I look younger.  I got rid of the hippie, I am Gandalf hair.  Why would I want that?  And the wardrobe?  You don't think the MAD MEN look is cool?  Retro-fifties, lets bring back the black-list and tie.  Bongos are in the trunk.  Or boot, as the British would say.  And with my little white car...this boot is made for walking.