Monday, November 15, 2010

"When fashion dictates..."

"...you're living in, a Fashion State."

While watching the Desert Fox News Network, on Fox Und Freunde, I saw an interview with former first Fuhrer George W. Putsch.  He was there to promote his new autobiography, "Stories Told Round Mein Kampfire."  A collection of memoirs of a man's burning struggle to rewrite his memories.  Regain his memories?  Rogaine his memories?  Herr loss?  Not sure, but powerful stuff nonetheless.  As the metal union workers would say, this is riveting stuff.  I highly recommend this book to anyone who has an excess of free time and not much else motivating your daily existence.  It is hard to pick out a a favourite part of the book over another.  Every bit of detail sears itself upon the memory and, uhm...I.  Sorry, what was I saying?  The many challenges that faced this eloquent leader.  I was particularly moved by his agonizing predecision and former predecision after the previous former predecision to invade Poland.  Despite left-leaning criticism that his only desire to invade Poland was to take over its famous sausage industry (after rumours of his early failed Austin Sausage explorations and with some aid from the Saudi sausage faction), his firm conviction that the Polish leader had hidden stores of mustard gas remains convincing.  Even though after the invasion, no condiments of mass destruction were found.  Mustard, yes.  Gas, no.  Only in combination and with heavy beer consumption.  Great reading anyway. 

And who among us will not feel the pain of something internal coming up when we hear in his own words from someone else his feeling on the day of the Reichstag burning; forcing down his own emotions while reading Meine Pet Scapegoat to the Bavarian kindergarten.  It will choke you up.  And speaking of choking up, don't forget his passage on his near-death sexual asphyxiation while chomping on an oversized Viennese pretzel.  Exciting stuff.  Even though some have claimed that he was just trying to emulate his father, former Fuhrer, George Herbert Walker Putsch's famous rainbow sushi barf on Emperor Hirohito.  A cry of help from a neurotic son to his tyrant father?  Or just the inability to swallow correctly?  It will be up to the reading public to determine just how much you can swallow. 

So there is much to recommend in this book.  It's thick enough to press some Edelweiss.  And it's not all serious and somber moments.  A collection of Tex-Naz recipes are also included.  You'll want to whip up an armadillo strudel, I can guarantee.  Mouth-watering.  So add this book to your library.  Make sure you place it in the fiction section.  Right next to the Warren Report.  Auf Wiedersehen Pet.